Writing for Style: The Freight Train Part 1

Adapted from From Richard Nordquist’s Your Guide to Grammar & Composition.

The freight train style pours on the coal like Casey Jones. It's a style often favored by excited children:

And then Uncle Richard took us to the Dairy Queen and we had ice cream and I had strawberry and the bottom of my cone fell off and there was ice cream all over the floor and Mandy laughed and then she threw up and Uncle Richard took us home and he didn't say much the whole way.

And by the 19th-century American poet Walt Whitman:

The early lilacs became part of this child,
And grass, and white and red morning-glories, and white and red clover, and the song of the phoebe-bird,
And the Third-month lambs, and the sow’s pink-faint litter, and the mare’s foal, and the cow’s calf,
And the noisy brood of the barn-yard, or by the mire of the pond-side,
And the fish suspending themselves so curiously below there--and the beautiful curious liquid,
And the water-plants with their graceful flat heads--all became part of him.
("There Was a Child Went Forth")

It often shows up in the Bible:

And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.
(Matthew, 7:27)

And Ernest Hemingway built his career on it:

In the fall the war was always there, but we did not go to it any more. It was cold in the fall in Milan and the dark came very early. Then the electric lights came on, and it was pleasant along the streets looking in the windows. There was much game hanging outside the shops, and the snow powdered in the fur of the foxes and the wind blew their tails. The deer hung stiff and heavy and empty, and small birds blew in the wind and the wind turned their feathers. It was a cold fall and the wind came down from the mountains.
("In Another Country")

Watch for it in your readings (more likely fiction than non-fiction). Next time I’ll discuss when to ride the freight train and when not to.

My Work: Homestead Part 2

“Other people claim, and there’s no real evidence for this, that there’s a different story. I was told this by family and, if you weren’t like family to me, I wouldn’t be passing it on. They say that Virginia grew tired of the hard life and listening to Angus blame her because they never had any children. She started to make any excuse she could to get away from him for a while, walking to the neighbor’s or just taking the buggy down the trail for a day or so.

“Angus thought she was stepping out on him, seeing other men, and he blamed her all the more for that. One day he couldn’t take it no more, and he locked Virginia up in the loft so she couldn’t wander. He kept her there, giving her just enough food and water to keep her alive, hoping to kill the wandering spirit in her. But he never could.

“She tried desperately to get out, she ran and smashed into the walls, trying to break them down. She pushed on the roof and tried to tear back the tin from the inside but, every time she got it loose a little, Angus would nail it back down. They say she smashed against that south wall so much, she made the top of the homestead lean right over.

“No one is really sure what happened. After Virginia disappeared, Angus wouldn’t let anyone on his place. He’d meet visitors out by the road, and there weren’t many, about one every couple of months. He’d go to other farms and help out, but never asked or allowed anyone to help him. He never said a word about Virginia, never spoke her name. People thought he was embarrassed because she left him.

“After they found Angus and cut him down, they went into the old homestead but didn’t find nothing. So nobody really knows what happened. I do know that the homestead hasn’t changed much since Angus died, and nobody’s ever lived in it since. You know, once a building starts to go, it usually goes all the way, especially after it has a lot of years on it. But that one has looked frozen like that, leanin’ just that much and no more, for as long as anyone around here knows.

“Some of the people who’ve lived on your place have complained about how hard it was to keep that tin roof nailed down, and some never had a bit of trouble. I guess you’ll be finding it hard.” He shrugged, stubbed his cigarette against the sole of his boot, and went back to work, and that was more than I’ve heard Ray say at one time before or since.

I’ve often sat and pondered our bathroom door with the wide boards and homemade nails until someone pounds on it asking me to hurry up and get out, and the tamarak tree by our driveway still reminds me of Angus.

We’ve used McIntyre’s homestead to house the tiller and other odds and ends. We thought about making it into a sheep shed, but the sheep didn’t seem to want to go in it, maybe because it looked unstable to them. We’ve kept it pretty much like it was since we came here, and more than one person has stopped and asked us if they could photograph it. I’ve twice been on the roof and nailed down the tin.

The true story will never be known, I guess. I do know that when I hear that tin roof banging on calm nights, especially around Halloween, I can imagine Virginia inside, still trying to get out.

My Work: Homestead Part 1

Bang! Bang! When we first moved to our farm, the wind sometimes caught the tin roof of an old building, bouncing it up and down and making a terrible racket. The building was about 12 feet square, built of logs, and stood next to the old privy between our house and the barn.

Over the years, the top four courses of logs and the roof had shifted sideways toward the south until they curved out about two feet beyond the base. I was busy building our addition, and didn’t get around to nailing down that tin right away.

We were told the dirt-floored building used to belong to the grandmother of Chester McKeen, the man who homesteaded this place, and was moved here from another location. It looked like it was over 100 years old, could have been 200.

It was around our first Halloween here when I noticed that the tin only banged at night, and it sometimes banged on quiet nights when I couldn’t feel that much wind. Puzzled, I told our neighbour, Ray, about the frosty quiet nights and the tin roof one time when I was down at his place helping him cut wood. He squinted at me, then looked off toward my place, rolled a cigarette, and told me this story:

“The way I heard it, that log house was built around 1835,” Ray began, “Angus and Virginia McIntyre homesteaded that land way before Chester McKeen. For the first few years they lived in a tarpaper shack next to the tamarack tree that still stands right by your driveway, then they put up those logs.

“Your inside bathroom door used to be the back door of their shack. Look at the wide boards and handmade nails.

“In those first years they were childless, but they went ahead and put up the logs anyway, hoping they could use it for their family. They built a room downstairs and a sleeping loft upstairs. After a few more years, they were still there alone, and I’m told that’s when the trouble began.

“It would have been a struggle for a childless couple trying to farm that land. There’s more granite than soil and its best used only for pasture. They must have started to struggle with each other, too, because Virginia disappeared five or so years after they moved into that homestead.That’s where the rest of the story differs, depending on who’s tellin’ it.

“Some say Virginia left to go back to her people in Nova Scotia, while Angus stayed on the farm and tried to make a go of it alone. He didn’t last long, though, because the year after Virginia left, Angus was found hanging from your tamarack tree, dead by his own hand, with the loft of the homestead leaning over just about like you see it now. It was a sad ending to their hopes of making a life out here.

One gone and one dead.

Part 2 soon...

Writing for Style: Eliminating Unnecessary Phrases

In this third post about being concise, here are some common phrases that can usually be deleted without any loss of meaning.

Disclaimer: I don’t know anything about Connecticut’s woodlands. The sentences are from The Guide to Grammar and Writing, sponsored by the Capital Community College Foundation in Hartford Connecticut. Presumably they know.

All things considered
All things considered, Connecticut's woodlands are in better shape now than ever before.

As a matter of fact
as a matter of fact, There are more woodlands in Connecticut now than there were in 1898.

As far as I'm concerned
As far as I'm concerned, Further protection of woodlands is not needed.

At the present time
This is because there are fewer farmers at the present time now.

Because of the fact that
Woodlands have grown in area because of the fact that farmers have abandoned their fields.

By means of
Major forest areas are coming back by means of through natural processes.

By virtue of the fact that
Our woodlands are coming back by virtue of the fact that because our economy has shifted its emphasis.

Due to the fact that
Due to the fact that Because their habitats are being restored, forest creatures are also re-establishing their population bases.

That exists
The fear that exists among many people that we are losing our woodlands is uncalled for.

For all intents and purposes
The era in which we must aggressively defend our woodlands has, for all intents and purposes, passed.

For the most part
For the most part, People's suspicions are based on a misunderstanding of the facts.

For the purpose of
Many woodlands have been purchased for the purpose of creating as public parks.

Have a tendency to
This policy has a tendency tends to isolate some communities.

In a manner of speaking
The policy has, in a manner of speaking, begun to Balkanize the more rural parts of our state.

In a very real sense
In a very real sense, This policy works to the detriment of those it is supposed to help.

In my opinion
In my opinion, This wasteful policy ought to be revoked.

In the case of
In the case of this particular policy, citizens of northeast Connecticut became very upset.
Citizens of northeast Connecticut became very upset about his policy.

In the final analysis
In the final analysis, The state would have been better off without such a policy.

In the event that
In the event that enough people protest, it will probably be revoked.
If enough people protest, it will probably be revoked.

In the nature of
Something in the nature of like a repeal may soon take place.

In the process of
Legislators are already in the process of reviewing the statutes.

It seems that
It seems that They can't wait to get rid of this one.

The point I am trying to make
The point I am trying to make is that Sometimes public policy doesn't accomplish what it sets out to achieve.

Type of
Legislators need to be more careful of the type of policies they propose.

Writing for Style: Being Concise

Reducing Clauses to Phrases and Phrases to Single Words

Some clauses and phrases can be pared to simpler, shorter constructions. One example is the “which clause”. It can often be shortened.

• Queen’s University, which is in Kingston, is sometimes called “The Harvard of the North”.
• Queen’s University in Kingston is sometimes called “The Harvard of the North”.

(Be careful, though, not to use a chain saw instead of a pruner. “Which” is sometimes necessary.)

• The citizens who knew what was going on voted him out of office.
• Knowledgeable citizens voted him out of office.

• Suggesting that a student copy from another student's paper is not something he would say.
• He wouldn't suggest that a student copy from another student's paper.

Phrases can be trimmed, sometimes to a single word.

• Unencumbered by a sense of responsibility, Lucille left him with four hungry children and the crops in the field.
• Lucille irresponsibly left him with four hungry children and the crops in the field.

Or leave out the word altogether and let the act speak for itself. That brings us to:

Intensifiers that Don't Intensify

Avoid using words such as really, very, quite, extremely, severely when they are not necessary. It is usually enough to say that the salary increase is inadequate. Saying that it is severely inadequate sounds like hysteria or a high school essay.

These words don’t need to be banished from your vocabulary but, like spices, are best when used sparingly.

Writing for Style: Acronym Redundancies

As you know, an acronym is a word formed from the initial letters or groups of letters of words in a set phrase or series of words, as OPEC for Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries, or loran for long-range navigation.

It is becoming more common, however, to use the whole acronym as a proper noun while repeating one of the letters as a common noun. This gives us redundancies such as the following:

ABS System. ABS stands for antilock braking system. Therefore, ABS system literally means antilock braking system system.

ATM machine. ATM stands for automatic teller machine. ATM machine literally means automatic teller machine machine.

DVD Disk. DVD means digital video disk. Therefore, DVD disk means digital video disk disk.

EMS Service. EMS stands for emergency medical service, so EMS service literally means emergency medical service service.

Estimated ETA. ETA stands for estimated time of arrival. Therefore, estimated ETA literally means estimated estimated time of arrival.

GPS system. GPS stands for global positioning system. Therefore, GPS system literally means global positioning system system.

HIV virus. According to Dictionary.Com, HIV stands for Human Immunodeficiency Virus. Therefore, HIV virus is a redundancy.

ISBN number. ISBN stands for International Standard Book Number. Therefore, ISBN number is redundant.

PIN number. PIN stands for personal identification number. So PIN number literally means personal identification number number.

Please RSVP. RSVP is an acronym for a French phrase Repondez S'il Vous Plait, which means respond if you please. Therefore, please RSVP is redundant.

SAT tests. SAT stands for Scholastic Aptitude Tests and Scholastic Assessment Tests. So SAT tests literally means scholastic aptitude/assessment tests tests.

VHF Frequency. The F stands for frequency, so stating VHF frequency is like saying very high frequency frequency. The same applies to UHF Frequency.

VIN number. VIN stands for vehicle identification number. VIN number literally means vehicle identification number number.

Fun, but maybe not something to get too caught up about because these redundancies are pretty much out of control. Avoid them in your writing, but resist the temptation to correct others when they say them.

Writing for Style: Eliminating Redundancies

This entry is brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department.

Don't say the same thing twice and don't take one more word to say what you mean than is needed. This will give your writing power and momentum.

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell. — William Strunk Jr. in Elements of Style

The Elements of Style, Fourth Edition, William Strunk Jr., E.B. White, Roger Angell

A phrase that repeats itself—like "true fact," "twelve noon," "I saw it with my own eyes"—is sometimes called a pleonasm. Watch out for pleonasms, they are bad habits just waiting to take control of your writing.

Many uneducated citizens who have never attended school continue to vote for better schools.

biography of her life = biography
circle around = circle
consensus of opinion = consensus
cooperate together = cooperate
each and every = each
end result = result
exactly the same = the same
free gift = gift
in spite of the fact that = although
in the event that = if
one and the same = the same
personal opinion = opinion
refer back = refer
revert back = revert
surrounded on all sides = surrounded
we are in receipt of = we have received

Fewer words is almost always better.

Writing for Grammar: Quotation Marks

There are various ways to punctuate dialogue and quotations depending on their placement in the sentence, their purpose, and the purpose of the sentence. The key is to be consistent. Here are some guidelines.

1. Use double quotation marks to surround quotations and to add special emphasis or irony to words and phrases.

He was “convinced” by the appearance of the gun.
Hamlet’s famous speech begins “To be or not to be, that is the question”.

2. In dialogue, punctuation goes inside the quotation marks.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked.
“I’m going to the police,” she replied.

"Really, there is no excuse for aggressive behavior," the supervisor said. "It sets a bad example."

3. For other uses, place all punctuation outside the quotation marks unless it is part of the quotation and necessary for understanding. Proper Canadian usage follows the U.K. style, not the U.S. style.

Incorrect: The court held that "physical injury is not a required element of a sexual harassment claim," and the plaintiff went on to win her case.
Correct: The court held that "physical injury is not a required element of a sexual harassment claim", and the plaintiff went on to win her case.

Incorrect: As Socrates asked Phaedrus, "[A]re you and I expected to praise the sentiments of the author, or only the clearness, and roundness, and accuracy and tournure of the language"?
Correct: As Socrates asked Phaedrus, " [A]re you and I expected to praise the sentiments of the author, or only the clearness, and roundness, and accuracy and tournure of the language?"

Incorrect: How dare you call me a "bad apple!"
Correct: How dare you call me a "bad apple"!

Correct: He referred to this group of people as his "gang": Heidi, Heather Shelley, and Jessie.

Correct: Marx did not believe that "a single nation should have a single leader"; nevertheless, he became a leader singled out.

In the second set of "Socrates" examples, the question mark is part of the original quotation from Phaedrus and should therefore be placed inside the quotation marks. However, in the third set of "bad apple" examples, the exclamation point is supplied by the writer and is therefore properly placed outside the quotation marks.

4. Use single quotation marks if one quote appears inside a longer quote. The use of single quotation marks around an internal quotation enables the reader to easily distinguish the internal quote from the material surrounding it. As such, single marks also allow the reader to determine from which source the internally quoted material was drawn.

Incorrect: "Last night you told me, and I quote, I would love to go to your mother’s for dinner,” she reminded him.
Incorrect: "Last night you told me, and I quote, “I would love to go to your mother’s for dinner,”” she reminded him.
Correct: "Last night you told me, and I quote, ‘I would love to go to your mother’s for dinner,’” she reminded him.

Writing for Grammar: Double Negatives

A double negative is the nonstandard usage of two negatives in the same sentence. In Shakespeare's day, double negatives were considered emphatic, but today they are considered grammar mistakes because they actually change the meaning into a positive.

NEGATIVE + NEGATIVE = POSITIVE

Remembering that two negatives form a positive will help you to avoid the "double negative" grammar problem.

Negative Words

Here are the most common words that are considered negative. Use them once in a sentence to make a negative statement. Two of them will make an ungrammatical positive statement.

• no
• not
• none
• nothing
• nowhere
• neither
• nobody
• no one
• hardly
• scarcely
• barely

Here are some double negative sentences rewritten to give the intended, negative meaning:

I think the new financial initiative will not last barely a month. (will last a month)
I think the new financial initiative will not last a month.

The first experiment was not hardly reliable. (was reliable)
The first experiment was not reliable.

The prospectors realized that their mine did not have no gold. (did have gold)
The prospectors realized that their mine did not have any gold.

The pilot could not find nowhere to land. (could find somewhere)
The pilot could not find anywhere to land.

Writing for Style: Editing

Editing may take you several passes to do a thorough job.

When I’m editing, I might go through looking just at active verbs, then go through a second time looking at sentence length and transitions, then a third time, etc.

It sounds boring, and it is, but editing is like finishing a fine piece of furniture. Several thin coats is always better than one thick coat. The last coat is proofreading.

There are four ways to keep your brain from skipping over your mistakes when proofreading:

1. Read your work aloud. When you have to pronounce all the words, you will spot both omissions and commissions.
2. Have a proofreading buddy who reads your work while you read theirs.
3. Put the work aside for a few hours and proofread it fresh.
4. Read one line at a time, but from the end to the beginning. This breaks the flow and prevents your brain from leaping to understanding by masking problems with the words.

Here are some questions to ask yourself when editing or proofing:

• Do I tell my reader my purpose in the first paragraph?
• Does the conclusion reinforce my main idea?
• Have I captured the reader’s interest early?
• Does this say what I want it to say?
• Have I checked spelling, punctuation and word usage?
• Does it read well aloud? Does it look good on the page?
• Is it easy on the reader’s eyes?
• Have I varied the length of sentences and paragraphs?
• Did I use as few words as possible to send my message?
• Are my ideas simply stated and presented clearly and logically?
• Will the reader have the reaction I want?
• Does this sound like me?

Writing for Grammar: Using Numbers

Most writers chose this profession because their word skills were greater than their mathematical abilities. Nevertheless, numbers in our business are important.

Here are a few guidelines:

• Numbers nine and below are written in words: seven
• Numbers 10 and above are written in figures: 17
• The above two rules hold for cardinal (seven, 17), ordinal (seventh, 17th), and centuries (seventh century, 17th century).
• Huge numbers of a million or more, such as your annual investment returns, are spelled: seven million, 17 million
• Money is preceded by a dollar sign even though it is read in a different order: $17 million (17 million dollars).
• All numbers that begin a sentence are spelled out: Seventeen blue jays baked in a cake.
• Even when a number is written in figures, it is read as words and preceded by the proper article (“a” or “an”): a $17 ticket, an $18 ticket

Here's a mind-reading trick with numbers.

• Choose a number between one and nine
• Multiply it by nine
• Add the first and last digits
• Subtract five
• Now, assuming A=1, B=2, etc., choose a country with the first letter starting with the corresponding letter of your number.
• Finally, choose an animal to ride that starts with the next letter in the alphabet.

Next time I'll try to guess what you are riding and where.

Presentation Skills: Persuading a “Controller”

From Wilder’s Presentations

Robert B. Miller and Gary A. Williams. surveyed 1,700 executives and described five decision-making styles:

1. Charismatics
2. Thinkers
3. Skeptics
4. Followers
5. Controllers

They found that one out of ten executives is a Controller. Controllers operate out of fear, often assuming that you do not have their best interests at heart. They read into what you are saying, can be persistent in going over a single point, and might become aggressive. Stay calm–don't let them provoke you.

Who gives the presentation? Controllers only want to hear from an expert or a trusted advisor. If you are not one of those, then beware. In fact, if you have to give the presentation, have a trusted advisor with you. Whenever possible, let someone the controllers trust discuss the topic.

Presentation process: Be sure that controllers have all the information they need…and probably more than you think they need. Do not push them to make a decision. They'll make it in their own time. And they'll only make their decision once they are not afraid of the consequences.

Interaction: Don't even think about trying to persuade controllers. They will persuade themselves at the right moment for them, which won't be the moment you have in mind.

How to succeed with controllers. To persuade controllers, you must:

• Alleviate their fears.
• Let them take credit for the end idea and decision.
• Try to make them see your analysis, rather than discuss their analysis.

Slides designed for controllers: Follow a logical, systematic thought process in your slides.Be sure a controller cannot take offense at your slide text in any conceivable way.Quote the experts.

Situation at a Glance Give a quick overview-one that the controller will see as valid. Don't put any assumptions or your own interpretation on this slide, or you may not get past it.

Options Don't push for one option over the others. Show all the options and let the controller analyze them and come to a decision. Ask the advisors what to include as options. Make sure you avoid hot-button items that will lead you and a controller astray from your topic

Presentation Skills: Persuading a “Follower”

From Wilder’s Presentations

According to a survey of 1,700 executives by Robert B. Miller and Gary A. Williams, followers account for more than one-third of all executives. They stick to what's been done before and don't want to be the first to try something new.

They are very empathic, so when you talk to a follower, you may "feel" that she or he is agreeing with you, but that doesn't mean she or he is going to say yes to your idea.

Followers can seem to be skeptics or thinkers by the questions they ask. But when you hear phrases like, "This sounds similar to what XYZ company has been doing…" or "Where has this been proven successful?" you'll know you're dealing with a follower.

Presentation format: Followers want to know if, when, and where your idea has actually worked, and you need to give examples in your presentation. Executive summary: On this one-slide summary, include primary sources of information and a list of places your proposal has been successful.

Interaction: Followers ask many questions. You may think the person is interrogating you, but she or he is only attempting to discover how your strategy has played itself out before. The interrogation, or just the ongoing questions about facts, figures, and past experience, is the follower's way of finding out what happened when someone else implemented this strategy.

How to fail. You'll fail to persuade a follower if you don't:

• Present information without saying how it has been successful before.
• Put together a solid idea with all the facts and figures. Don't present a partially thought-out idea.

Slides designed for followers:

• Follow a logical, systematic thought process in your slides.
• Show where the successes have occurred and what results were obtained.
• Avoid busy, "avant garde" backgrounds. They will not give the impression of solidity to a follower who wants to keep on the path of what's been done.

Key Facts About Proposal
You may need several slides for this information. Be sure you don't present only concepts - you must have facts. List the costs and, if possible, show the costs for several options.

Past History
Unless you can list how your idea, process, or strategy was successful elsewhere, you might as well not present. This slide will be crucial in alleviating the fears of the follower.

Presentation Skills: Persuading a “Skeptic”

From Wilder’s Presentations

Skeptics are distrustful of information that does not fit their worldview. To a skeptic, everyone is suspect. When you start presenting, they will question you right away, and you have to be credible in their eyes before they will listen. While thinkers take in the data to make a decision; skeptics look through the data to find what supports their vision. Don't get defensive, and don't rush a skeptic. Because they're unafraid of being wrong, they make bold, risky decisions. In a survey of 1,700 executives by Robert B. Miller and Gary A. Williams, 2o% were skeptics.

Now a skeptic’s first question about all this is, “But how do you know this description of me is true?" If you mention presentation fonts, a skeptic says “How did you decide on this font size? I like mine better."

Presentation format: Skeptics are interested in where you got your information, ideas, and recommendations, so your format has to include documentation. Present your suggestions, but make footnotes or otherwise include the sources of your data.

Executive summary: On this one-slide summary include primary sources of information, people who agree with the idea, and data.

Interaction: Be prepared to be questioned and interrogated. For those of you who have been to court or had to give a deposition, remember the grueling questions you were asked that were designed to lead you down a path where you didn't want to go? Or the questions in which you almost lost your emotional balance? Watch yourself. Although the skeptic is really not attacking you personally, you will probably feel this way.

How to fail. You'll fail to persuade a skeptic if you:

• Present information without backing up its validity.
• Don't present why, logically and factually, your ideas make sense.
• Lose your emotional balance and begin to get defensive.
• Try to put the skeptics in the corner and show them how they are wrong.
• Take credit for all the ideas discussed and don't give the skeptic any credit.
• Start to believe the skeptic is questioning your identity as a competent professional

Try to get through your presentation without answering in detail the questions you are asked along the way. Leave the in-depth answers for the Q&A at the end.

Slides designed for skeptics:

• Show more than one option, with the reasons for or against after each option.
• Follow a logical, systematic thought process in your slides.
• List information sources on each slide. Look at the slide and be sure you can answer, "What makes this information credible?"

Presentation Skills: Persuading a “Thinker”

From Wilder’s Presentations

“Thinkers” are open to new ideas, but are careful and methodical. They are guarded and cautious; convinced by hard facts and research information as they explore every advantage and disadvantage.

Thinkers are open to new ideas when you have the facts to back them up, and they rely on rationality and numbers to make their decisions. This is why they might not have the best social skills when they are quizzing you about the information. While they are proactive and do want to win, thinkers use logic and exhaustive analysis to make decisions. In a survey of 1,700 executives by Robert B. Miller and Gary A. Williams, 11% were thinkers.

Format: Thinkers like outlines. For example, a strategy recommendation outline can help you logically present several strategies and, based on research, chose the most successful one. Thinkers would not be happy if you presented just one strategy.

Executive Summary: Provide a brief executive summary of your talk and then say, "Now let me take you through our analysis including some customer research, past production figures, and future predictions."

Interaction: Set up your slides to encourage interaction. When showing charts, be sure they are clear and focused. Put the summary point of the data on the slide, but be prepared for thinkers to want to discuss the numbers in the charts. Make sure the numbers are big enough for them to read. You can ask during your talk, "What other information do you know or want to know that will fill in any gaps you see?"

How to Fail: You’ll fail to persuade thinkers if you:

• Show them slides with unclear information.
• Don’t explain the logic of your transitions from one slide to the next.
• Don’t send them any materials ahead of time and then surprise them with a presentation, pushing for an answer right away. Thinkers like time to make a decision so they can consider all the issues involved.
• Put wrong numbers on your slides or say something incorrect, then fail to correct it. Thinkers won’t make a decision on the spot but will spend time analyzing and processing the information you provided, so an incorrect data point or misstatement of fact can be fatal.
• Don’t really do your homework, instead laboring under the false idea or hope that your enthusiasm will convince them.

Slides designed for thinkers: Prepare clear slides with informative headings and organized content so the information really stands out. Don’t use a fancy background. Limit yourself to an interesting title graphic at the top. Instead of impressing, fancy slides only annoy thinkers because they find the information harder to decipher.

Begin your presentation with a slide that states the present situation and the desired outcome. List the key analysis pieces you will show. Show a timeline if appropriate to help the thinker understand the events in order. It may be best not to state your recommended solution at the beginning: a thinker wants to hear your logic and reasoning process, then your recommendation.

Thinkers do not want to see a slide with start dates. Instead, they want time to digest the information, consider what else is important, find holes in your process, and then decide on next steps.

Presentation Skills: Persuading a “Charismatic” Decision Maker

From Wilder’s Presentations.

“Charismatic” decision makers are open to new ideas and enthusiastic when you present a new opportunity. Although they do not ask you for every detail, they will have someone go through your recommendations to make sure all the data are logically organized and make sense. They need to feel comfortable that your ideas are built on solid information, so don't be overly enthusiastic at the expense of your due-diligence work. In a survey of 1,700 executives by Robert B. Miller and Gary A. Williams, 25% were charismatics.

Presentation Format: Charismatics want to know the end result first, so make your presentation short and to the point. Plan for time to interact. You do need an organized structure when talking, but only present the highest level of your information. You will present the more detailed levels and back-up charts to the managers who will follow up with you and meticulously check all your facts and recommendations.

Executive summary: Provide a brief executive summary of your talk and then say, "How does this idea strike you?"

Interaction: Don't use too many slides. Let them talk. But be sure, when you are interacting, that you make your key points. Have those key points on your slides, in your mind, or on a piece of paper. No matter how enthusiastic the audience is, make all your points.

How to fail: You'll fail to persuade charismatics if you:

• Try to tell the story from start to finish with lots of numbers and industry jargon. They want to hear the bottom line first.
• Present a pre-planned talk that you have obviously given many times before.
• Talk without giving them an opportunity to interact with you.
• Fail to make your points even as they are discussing side issues and other opportunities that come into their mind.
• Assume that when your presentation is over, you don't have any more work to do but wait to hear a decision.

Slides designed for charismatics:

• Don't use too many slides; decide on fewer slides and then cut that number in half.
• Set up your slides to illustrate a vision. Offer opportunities to imagine a better future and visually show results.
• Don't present any slides of numbers in small type.
• Don't just present "hype" about an idea, also explain the risks or obstacles that might arise and suggestions for handling them.

Next time: Thinkers

Presentation Skills: Your Persuasion Path

From Wilder’s Presentations.

There is a book called The 5 Paths to Persuasion by Robert B. Miller and Gary A. Williams that describes five decision-making styles based on the authors’ surveys of 1,700 executives:

• Charismatics
• Thinkers
• Skeptics
• Followers
• Controllers

You’ve set your objective, planed your three or four key messages, and organized your content logically and systematically. Now you have to decide how your information should be presented to persuade these five kinds of decision maker, and Miller and Williams provide some insights.

Charismatics: They seem excited, attracted to new, out-of-the-box ideas. They don't want the whole PowerPoint talk—they just want to hear the bottom-line results. You must engage charismatics immediately, before they lose interest. But don't be lulled into thinking that you don't really have to follow up or present detailed information. You do need to present the risks and how to minimize them. From the way charismatics talk, you think the decision is imminent, but they will give all the details to others to examine. Then they'll decide. Although charismatics might not seem interested in the analysis, others will. In Miller and Williams' survey, 25% were charismatics.

Thinkers: Thinkers are open to new ideas when you have the facts backing up the idea. Guarded and cautious, they explore every advantage and disadvantage. They are very rational and use numbers to make their decisions, quizzing you about the information. This is why they might not have the best social skills. While they are proactive and do want to win, thinkers use logic and exhaustive analysis to make decisions. In the survey, 10% were thinkers.

Skeptics: They are distrustful of information that does not fit their worldview. To a skeptic, everyone is suspect, and they will question you right away. You have to be credible in their eyes before they listen to you. Skeptics say what they think without regard to your reaction. While thinkers take in the data to make a decision; skeptics look through the data to find what supports their vision. Don't get defensive, and don't rush a skeptic. Because they're unafraid of being wrong, they make bold, risky decisions. Almost 20% of the survey respondents were skeptics.

Followers: Followers come across as open and enthused, but unless you talk about how your process was successfully implemented elsewhere, they lose interest. They want proof. A follower keeps asking, "Where has this been done before?" That's why they buy well-known brands. Not innovators, followers want to protect what the company already has. They are excellent with people, always aware of how their behavior affects others. One last thing: followers like bargains and enjoy a bit of haggling over prices. Although 36% in the survey were followers, only 6% of sales presentations are targeted to them.

Controllers: Highly independent, they like to be in control of the total decision-making process. Controllers don't like to be pushed - you have to get them to believe they made the decisions. Because controllers see information through their perspective, it can be difficult to get them to truly take in a piece of data that runs contrary to their view. They are also perfectionists who are not very interested in getting along with people and making them feel comfortable. Controllers run to their own tune, so be careful not to present contrary information. They have a tendency to shoot the messenger. In the survey, almost 10% of the respondents were controllers.

Why is this information useful when you are presenting to a group of people? In reality you are "selling" your idea to your audience. You will certainly do a more effective talk if you have an understanding of how people make decisions.

Next: How to persuade each kind of decision maker.

Resources: Reverse Dictionary

What is the name for those friendly volunteer museum guides? Or that little plastic tube that is fixed on each end of a shoelace?

What is the word for a female donkey? I know a male donkey is a jack. Is a female a jackette?

My niece is afraid of men with beards. I know there's a word for fear of beards but I can't think of it right now.

Well, a Reverse Dictionary like the one at OneLook can give you all these answers.

OneLook's reverse dictionary lets you describe a concept and get back a list of words and phrases related to that concept. Your description can be a few words, a sentence, a question, or even just a single word. In most cases you'll get back a list of related terms with the best matches shown first.

OneLook indexes hundreds of online dictionaries, encyclopedias, and other reference sites. They do this using an assortment of statistical language processing hacks.

Yikes, though. Sometimes many of your search results are complete nonsense. For some types of searches, only the first result or the first few results are likely to be useful. OneLook urges you to click on a word to check its definition before using it in your Booker Prize acceptance speech or honors thesis.

If you get back nothing but junk, try restating your query so that it's just two or three simple words. Some queries are very difficult for the system. That's because not every dictionary indexed by OneLook is used by the reverse dictionary, and their search algorithm still needs some work.

Nevertheless, it is a very handy website. Now what is the word that means next to last?

Writing for Grammar: What's the Big Deal About Spelling? Part 2

Last time we mentioned that proper spelling is primarily for credibility, not meaning.

What is the best way to check your spelling? With a dictionary and thesaurus. Or go to online sources like dictionary.com or thesarus.com. For goodness sakes, don't rely on the spell checker in your word processing program.

You'll see why if you read the following poem aloud:

I halve a spelling checker, it came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue mistakes I dew knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word and weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write, it shows me strait aweigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid, it nose been fore two long,
And eye can put the era rite-its rarely ever wrong.
I've scent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh-my checker tolled me sew.

This poem would be passed as perfect by the spell checkers in most word processing programs. That's because all the words in the poem are real words-but not the words you want to use.

Spell checkers are only good at picking out nonsense words, they can't judge context. If your misspelling makes a real word, you are snookered. And judged a moron by the reader.

So, use your spell checker as your first line of defense against the heartbreak of misspellings, but don't stop there. Nothing beats careful line by line proofreading.For a list of the most commonly misspelled words in North American, and some notable misspellings, you can see my companion Writing Tip on Spelling.

Writing for Grammar: What's the Big Deal About Spelling?

Why is everyone so uptight about proper spelling? It isn't really required for understanding.

Consider this paragraph:

Aoccdrnig to a rseearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is that the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Most people seem to be able to get most of the meaning all right without proper spelling. It's only in specific cases that spelling changes meaning. So why spell properly?

It's for credibility. If your writing is full of misspelled words, people will think you are an idiot, and they certainly won't pay much attention to your writing.

Next time we will look at some ways to make sure our writing is spelled correctly.

Writing for Style - Focused Freewriting

Freewriting is writing without rules. Start by jotting down the first thoughts that come to mind, no matter how trivial or disconnected they may appear.

You may eventually delete it or toss it away. But if you first read it over carefully, you might find a key word or phrase or maybe even a sentence or two that can be developed into a longer piece of writing. Freewriting may not always give you specific material for a future essay, but it will help you get into the right frame of mind for writing.

Focused Freewriting follows the same process but begins with a topic:

1. Put a topic of your choice, or even the topic of your next paper, at the top of a blank page. Set a time limit and begin Freewriting.
2. This time, write down things that seem to be related to the topic. Do not worry about order of ideas or grammatical correctness.
3. Don't worry if the ideas seem to be digressions.
4. When time is up, look over what you have written. Pull out ideas and phrases you can use later.
5. Practice putting the Freewriting into outline form. If you were to use the writing to begin a paper, which points would you make first? Second?

Most people need to practice freewriting several times before they are able to make it work for them effectively. So be patient.

Try freewriting as a regular exercise, perhaps three or four times a week, until you find that you can write without rules comfortably and productively.

Writing for Style - Freewriting

Staring at a blank computer screen or piece of paper has to be one of the most awkward times for a writer.

Suddenly your desk needs tidying, then the books in the bookcase demand sorting into alphabetical order, then it’s time to check your email—anything is more attractive than writing.

Making something out of nothing, creating something that has never existed before, is akin to Dumbledore waving his wand to produce a feast for dozens of hungry students. It’s magic. If the prospect of having to make magic makes you uneasy, you are not alone.

It’s not that writers have nothing upstairs, its just that most of us have no special talent for organizing thoughts and putting them down on paper. So instead of writing, I just scribble. Then I go back and try to make sense of it all.

This scribbling is called freewriting—writing without rules. If you find yourself searching for a writing topic, start by jotting down the first thoughts that come to mind, no matter how trivial or disconnected they may appear. Freewriting resembles the warm up you might do before exercising. There is no "correct" way to do this, so try your own variation of these steps:

• Begin with a blank computer screen or a pad and a watch (or the clock on the computer). Freewriting involves generating words, not correcting them or getting just the right word. Set a time for yourself.
• Try one, five, or ten minutes. Longer times may not be that productive since freewriting is a "warm up" for more focused writing.
• Begin to type or write about anything that comes into your head. Don't stop until the time is up.
• Then review what you have written. Are there words you like? Ideas that might work for your writing project?

For five minutes, write non-stop: don't lift your fingers from the keyboard or your pen from the page. Just keep writing. Don't stop to ponder or make corrections or look up a word's meaning in the dictionary. Just keep writing.

Next time: Focused Freewriting

Writing for Grammar: The Secrets of Nyms 2

More heteronyms, then capitonyms.

A heteronym (HET-uhr-uh-nim) is a word that has the same spelling as another word but with a different pronunciation and meaning. In a pure heteronymic pair, the two words must be etymologically unrelated, as in bass, buffet, deserts, dove, entrance, lead, moped, unionized, wind, and wound.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

A capitonym (KAP-i-toh-NIM) is a word that changes pronunciation and meaning when it is capitalized.

Job's Job
In August, an august patriarch
Was reading an ad in Reading, Mass.
Long-suffering Job secured a job
To polish piles of Polish brass.

Herb's Herbs
An herb store owner, name of Herb,
Moved to a rainier Mount Rainier.
It would have been so nice in Nice,
And even tangier in Tangier.

Next time: contronyms

Writing for Grammar: The Secrets of Nyms

Most people are familiar with some of the nyms:

• synonyms - words that have similar meanings like sniff and inhale (but why isn’t there a synonym for the word synonym?)
• antonyms with opposite meanings like profit and loss
• homonyms - words that have the same sound and often the same spelling but differ in meaning, such as bank (embankment) and bank (place where money is kept).

But there are also heteronyms, capitonyms, and contranyms.

A heteronym (HET-uhr-uh-nim) is a word that has the same spelling as another word but with a different pronunciation and meaning. In the following poem, each end-word is heteronymic:

Listen, readers, toward me bow.
Be friendly; do not draw the bow.
Please don't try to start a row.
Sit peacefully, all in a row.
Don't act like a big, fat sow.
Do not the seeds of discord sow.

In a pure heteronymic pair, the two words must be etymologically unrelated, as in bass, buffet, deserts, dove, entrance, lead, moped, unionized, wind, and wound.

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.

more nyms next time...

Presentation Skills: Start With Something Interesting

Adapted from Wilder’s Presentations.

How do you begin your presentations? With your needs or the needs of your audience?

There is one guaranteed way to turn off an audience right from the start - by reading your agenda.

Here are five possible better ways to start:

1. Discuss three benefits the audience will receive by listening to you. "When you leave today you will have three things. First, you will go from frustration to ease of use with this program. Second, you will go from spending hours attempting to set up a meeting to just minutes. Third, you'll have more time to do your real work."
2. Start with the three key messages you want your audience to remember and tell others. "Many of you here are not convinced that preventive healthcare should be taken seriously. I'm here to tell you that preventive health saves lives, reduces cost of care, and most importantly, enables people to live healthier, happier, and more productive lives."
3. Provide a high-level summary of your talk. "Today we are looking at Project Talk. Right now the beta test shows some bugs in the system, and our desired outcome is to start advertising in six months. We looked at several strategies to reach that outcome, and concluded that we have to put more resources into moving Project Talk forward faster. Let me show you the rationale for this decision."
4. A startling quotation or statistic: "In the 30 minutes it will take me to deliver this presentation, six children will die from hunger.”
5. A story that summarizes the main point of your talk. “Twenty years ago, my friend Bob was homeless. He ate out of dumpsters and was always on the lookout for things he could steal and pawn…”

Make the start interesting and you will have the audience's attention for at least the first few minutes. After that, it's up to you to keep it.

Writing for Style: Professional Emails

Adapted from Richard Nordquist at About Grammar.

E-mail is the most common form of written business communication - and the most commonly abused. Faced with an empty message screen, even a perfectly well-adjusted adult can turn abruptly into Dilbert's pointy-haired boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."

When 100 emails a day fill our mailbox, being concise counts.

Take a look at this e-mail message recently sent to all staff members on a large university campus:

It is time to renew your faculty/staff parking decals. New decals are required by Nov. 1, 2007. Parking Rules and Regulations require that all vehicles driven on campus must display the current decal.

Slapping a "Hi!" in front of this message doesn't solve the problem. It only adds an air of giddiness.

Instead, We can make this email nicer and shorter and probably more effective if we simply added a "please" and addressed the reader directly:

Please renew your faculty/staff parking decals by November 1.

Next, add how and where to renew. That's a professional email.

Quick Tips on Writing Professional E-mails

• Always fill in the subject line with a topic that means something to your reader. Not "Decals" or "Important!" but "Deadline for New Parking Decals."
• Put your main point in the opening sentence. An e-mail shouldn't sound like Dickens.
• Never start a message with a vague "This." ("This needs to be done by 5:00.") Because most of us have to read dozens of e-mails a day, specify which "this" you're talking about.
• Don't use ALL CAPITALS (no shouting!). or all lower-case letters either (unless you're e. e. cummings).
• Remember to say "please" and "thank you." And mean it. "Thank you for understanding why afternoon breaks have been eliminated" is prissy and petty and mean. It's not polite.
• Edit and proofread before hitting "send." If your messages look like excerpts from a ten-year-old's chat room, don't be surprised if they're forwarded with a chortle to people you've never met.
• Finally, reply promptly to serious messages. If you need more than 24 hours to collect information or make a decision, send a brief response explaining the delay.

Writing for Fun - Irony 2

From Kerry Patterson at www.vitalsmarts.com

In Part 2, Kerry continues with his discussion of irony.

At first I was more than happy saying I couldn't remember the name of the dumb plant until it became clear that people treat individuals who can't remember the names of trees growing in their yard like some kind of drooling cretin who probably also doesn't know the size and brand of the tires on his car (I think mine are two ten, net thirty) and who as such, wouldn't have been able to bring down a woolly mammoth on his own and is really of no use to society.

It wasn't long until I starting taking a new tact. I made up names. For example, we selected the evergreen trees that grow next to my house because they grow tall and full, but not wide, so they wouldn't block the garage door. Now that they've grown to their full size, absolute strangers driving by my house slam on their brakes, knock on my door, and ask me about the trees in front of my house that grow tall, but remain skinny—because they need some just like them for their yard.

"Why those," I explain with a perfectly straight face, "are pynus anerexus and can be found at any nursery."

This lack of memory, it turns out, extends to plants I've known for over forty years. For reasons known only to the memory Gods, I can never recall the name of Petunias when I need to. Picking up on a technique I read in an article, I decided to try the association game. I associated the flower with an imaginary pig because the only other Petunia I knew was Petunia Pig, Porky Pig's girlfriend. Now I look at the flowers and think pig and call them Porkies.

Last summer I actually asked the lady at the local nursery for a flat of Wilburs. Growing increasingly concerned with the need to be able to recall the names of the plants in my yard, I committed to reading and memorizing the names of the annuals I put in each spring. After all, each little packet of six flowers comes with several white plastic sticks stating the name of whatever is growing in the container.

After planting a lovely blue flower, I just knew that people were going to ask me what it was called so I read the name, spelled it in my head, said it aloud several times, and made up a little song. Surely I'd remember the name of this beauty. Later that evening as I lay in bed replaying the events of the day in my mind, my thoughts turned to planting the new annuals and it struck me that I couldn't recall the name of the beautiful blue flowers I had planted next to my walkway.

What the heck were those things called anyway? The harder I tried the more my brain turned to mush until eventually I could take it no longer. In a fit of self loathing I grabbed a flashlight, put on flip-flops and a bathrobe, and at some time around one in the morning trudged out to find the silly blue flowers.

Seconds later I kneeled next to the flower bed, flashed my light around until I spotted a white stick with words printed on it, and pulled up eyeball-to-plastic stick until I could finally read the name of the flower I had—despite efforts to the contrary—completely forgotten. The name of the plant? "Forget-me-not."

So there you have it. If you're looking for a way to explain the meaning of irony to someone, I've now shared with you the perfect story. And please take the time to explain the real meaning of the word.

Continued abuse of the meaning would be absolutely heinous. Literally.

Writing for Fun - Irony 1

From Kerry Patterson at www.vitalsmarts.com

People are constantly misusing the word irony. That's right, grab your pitchforks, hot tar, and feathers and come join with me as I lead a counterassault on this growing threat.

This problem, as you may know, falls in the middle of an ugly onslaught of morphing words and degrading grammar—all of which are chipping away at the clarity of our communication. For example, teenagers in my neighborhood now use the word heinous (which means totally reprehensible, even abominable) to mean "out of fashion" or possibly "uncool." For example, I recently overheard the following sentence. "She carried a purse that was positively heinous."
Now, unless said purse was actually seen wielding a chain saw in a school bus, it probably wasn't one tiny bit heinous.

Some words have actually come to mean their exact opposite. People now use literally to mean "not literally." Once again, overheard in a shopping mall: "I ate so much at the buffet that I was literally two potato chips away from exploding." I doubt it.

The term ironic, which is rich in meaning and nuance, is routinely used to mean weird or paradoxical and that's a bit of a shame because the word means so much more. If you look irony up in the dictionary, you don't get much help. The most common meaning is: "surprising or unexpected," but that's much too broad an explanation.

"How's your dad?"
"Didn't you hear? He was hit by a truck and killed!"
"Really? How ironic."

Of course, none of this verbal confusion is of much import. These examples are not nearly as bad as the fact that flammable and inflammable both mean "flammable." Now there's a verbal mix-up of some potential consequence. Notwithstanding the triviality of the issue, I recently came up with such a wonderful tool for explaining the meaning of the word irony that I just have to tell the story.

It all started sixteen years ago when my wife and I bought the home we currently live in. The backyard of our new house consisted of a long, sloping stretch of lawn that was just terrific if you were a six-year-old who enjoyed rolling down the hill. My wife and I had other plans in mind, so we re-landscaped our entire yard. This included planting over two hundred trees and shrubs. As we chose between oak, red oak, flaming red oak, etc., I eventually became quite familiar with the names of all of our choices.

Unfortunately, as I continued my headlong plunge into senility, it wasn't long until I had forgotten the name of almost every choice of foliage. I didn't care a whit about this mental slippage until I discovered that people would look at our yard, like a particular tree or shrub, and then ask me for the name.

Writing for Style: Words About Words

I'm astonished that I've let half of October go without any posts. Teaching, private clients, a car accident that totaled our car, researching new cars, and finally deciding on a Prius have consumed us.

Anyway, here are some words about words, courtesy of Richard Nordquist at About.com. You can find them in the second edition of the complete (20-volume) Oxford English Dictionary. You may have trouble slipping them into conversation, buy may be able to use them in an email to a fellow logophile

amphigouri (also spelled amphigory)
A "composition without sense," according to the Oxford English Dictionary. Writing that at first may appear to mean something--but upon closer study proves to be meaningless.

battology
A needless and tiresome repetition in speaking or writing.

cheville
A meaningless or redundant word or phrase inserted to round off a sentence or complete a verse.

grammatolatry
The worship of words. A grammatolator is a stickler for the forms of words.

idioglossia
Invented speech, a private language. According to the OED, "a form of dyslalia [or speech impairment] in which the person affected consistently makes substitutions in his speech sounds to such an extent that he seems to speak a language of his own."

logodaedaly
"Cunning in words," according to the Oxford English Dictionary, or "skill in adorning a speech." However, the Merriam-Webster Unabridged Dictionary defines it less favorably as "the arbitrary or capricious coinage of words."

logomachy
A disagreement about words and their meanings.

orthoepy
The branch of linguistics that deals with pronunciation. Interestingly, some orthoepists pronounce the term with an emphasis on the or while others stress the tho.

rumbelow
A meaningless combination of syllables serving as a refrain, such as the sounds "yo ho ho" and "hey ho" of rowing sailors.

xenoglossia
Speaking or writing in a known language that one has never studied or learned (at least not in any perceivably normal way).

Presentation Tip: Talk to Your Audience

Adapted from wilder presentations

Inexperienced presenters, and some experienced ones, often have difficulty actually looking at their audience.

This may partly be due to nerves—If I pretend they’re not there, I won’t be nervous—or staring at notes and slides may be a sign of inadequate preparation.

Some presenters rarely look at anyone for longer than one second, instead spending most of the time looking at the slide and talking to it. This is especially true when there are many diagrams and charts to explain. Rather than point to the information and look at the audience, the presenter points at the information on the screen and looks at it while talking.

But if we are there to talk, we should talk to someone.

I guarantee that when you look at each person in the audience for the count of 3, you will look twice as confident. You'll actually appear to know your subject and want to share it with your audience. This is one of the most important skills of professional presenters. You may think you already do this, but it’s doubtful.

How do you find out whether you maintain eye contact? The next time you give a talk, ask a colleague in the audience to time how long you look at a person. The colleague counts 1-2-3 and observes whether you look at any one person for the count of 3. Then your colleague gives you the feedback after the session.

To be a successful presenter, you must actually talk to a person, not just speak. You can train yourself by practicing with two colleagues. Talk to each one. He or she will give you a nod when you have talked for the count of 1-2-3 while really looking at them for the whole time. Darting eyes back and forth like a hungry iguana do not count. You will improve your poise and presence in front of an audience by 100% when you start to speak to each person.

With a large audience of 80 or more, it is the same. Pick one person to speak to at a time. All the people around that person will experience you speaking to them.

Writing for Style: Once More to the Lake 3

If you've been following the last three posts, you'll know that we are tracing the evolution of a profound and moving essay in the hands of a great writer. Starting with a school assignment, What I did on my summer vacation, E.B. White reforms and polishes. Here is his final draft, example courtesy of Richard Nordquist.

Final Revision: "Once More to the Lake" (1941)

White made the return journey in 1936 on his own, in part to commemorate his parents, both of whom had recently died. When he next made the trip to Belgrade Lake, in 1941, he took along his son Joel. White recorded that experience in what has become one of the best known and most frequently anthologized essays of the past century, "Once More to the Lake":

We went fishing the first morning. I felt the same damp moss covering the worms in the bait can, and saw the dragonfly alight on the tip of my rod as it hovered a few inches from the surface of the water. It was the arrival of this fly that convinced me beyond any doubt that everything was as it always had been, that the years were a mirage and there had been no years. The small waves were the same, chucking the rowboat under the chin as we fished at anchor, and the boat was the same boat, the same color green and the ribs broken in the same places, and under the floor-boards the same fresh-water leavings and debris--the dead hellgrammite, the wisps of moss, the rusty discarded fishhook, the dried blood from yesterday's catch. We stared silently at the tips of our rods, at the dragonflies that came and went. I lowered the tip of mine into the water, pensively dislodging the fly, which darted two feet away, poised, darted two feet back, and came to rest again a little farther up the rod. There had been no years between the ducking of this dragonfly and the other one--the one that was part of memory...

After breakfast we would go up to the store and the things were in the same place--the minnows in a bottle, the plugs and spinners disarranged and pawed over by the youngsters from the boys' camp, the fig newtons and the Beeman's gum. Outside, the road was tarred and cars stood in front of the store. Inside, all was just as it had always been, except there was more Coca Cola and not so much Moxie and root beer and birch beer and sarsaparilla. We would walk out with a bottle of pop apiece and sometimes the pop would backfire up our noses and hurt. We explored the streams, quietly, where the turtles slid off the sunny logs and dug their way into the soft bottom; and we lay on the town wharf and fed worms to the tame bass. Everywhere we went I had trouble making out which was I, the one walking at my side, the one walking in my pants.

(One Man's Meat, Tilbury House Publishers, 1997)

Details from White's 1936 letter reappear in his 1941 essay: damp moss, birch beer, the smell of lumber, the sound of outboard motors. In his letter White insisted that "things don't change much," and in his essay we hear the refrain, "There had been no years." But in both texts we sense that the author was working hard to sustain an illusion. A joke may be "deathless," the lake may be "fade-proof," and summer may be "without end." Yet as White makes clear in the concluding image of "Once More to the Lake," only the pattern of life is "indelible":

When the others went swimming my son said he was going in too. He pulled his dripping trunks from the line where they had hung all through the shower, and wrung them out. Languidly, and with no thought of going in, I watched him, his hard little body, skinny and bare, saw him wince slightly as he pulled up around his vitals the small, soggy, icy garment. As he buckled the swollen belt, suddenly my groin felt the chill of death.

To spend almost 30 years composing an essay is exceptional. But then, you have to admit, so is "Once More to the Lake." Postscript (1981)

According to Scott Elledge in E.B. White: A Biography, on July 11, 1981, to celebrate his eighty-first birthday, White lashed a canoe to the top of his car and drove to "the same Belgrade lake where, seventy years before, he had received a green old town canoe from his father, a gift for his eleventh birthday."

Writing for Style: Once More to the Lake 2

We are tracing the evolution of a profound and moving essay in the hands of a great writer. Starting with a school assignment, What I did on my summer vacation, E.B. White reforms and polishes. Here is his second draft, example courtesy of Richard Nordquist.

Second Draft: Letter to Stanley Hart White (1936)

In the summer of 1936, E. B. White, by then a popular writer for The New Yorker magazine, made a return visit to this childhood vacation spot. While there, he wrote a long letter to his brother Stanley, vividly describing the sights, sounds, and smells of the lake.

I returned to Belgrade. Things haven't changed much. There's a train called the Bar Harbor Express, and Portland is foggy early in the morning, and the Pullman blankets are brown and thin and cold. But when you look out of the window in the diner, steam is rising from the pastures and the sun is out, and pretty soon the train is skirting a blue lake called Messalonksi. Things don't change much. . .

The lake hangs clear and still at dawn, and the sound of a cowbell comes softly from a faraway woodlot. In the shallows along shore the pebbles and driftwood show clear and smooth on bottom, and black water bugs dart, spreading a wake and a shadow. A fish rises quickly in the lily pads with a little plop, and a broad ring widens to eternity. The water in the basin is icy before breakfast, and cuts sharply into your nose and ears and makes your face blue as you wash. But the boards of the dock are already hot in the sun, and there are doughnuts for breakfast and the smell is there, the faintly rancid smell that hangs around Maine kitchens. Sometimes there is little wind all day, and on still hot afternoons the sound of a motorboat comes drifting five miles from the other shore, and the droning lake becomes articulate, like a hot field. A crow calls, fearfully and far. If a night breeze springs up, you are aware of a restless noise along the shore, and for a few minutes before you fall asleep you hear the intimate talk between fresh-water waves and rocks that lie below bending birches. The insides of your camp are hung with pictures cut from magazines, and the camp smells of lumber and damp. Things don't change much. . .

Over at the Mills there's a frog box, sunk half in the water. People come there in boats and buy bait. You buy a drink of Birch Beer at Bean's tackle store. Big bass swim lazily in the deep water at the end of the wharf, well fed. Long lean guide boats kick white water in the stern till they suck under. There are still one-cylinder engines that don't go. Maybe it's the needle valve. . .

Yes, sir, I returned to Belgrade, and things don't change much. I thought somebody ought to know.

(Letters of E.B. White, edited by Dorothy Lobrano Guth, Harper & Row, 1976)

Writing for Style: Once More to the Lake 1

In my first class at Queen’s School of Business I found myself once again trying to explain how to be a good writer.

This Commerce program requires a high school average of 90 out of 100 to be even considered for acceptance, so the students are generally high-school stars. Here, half are below average but none believe me when I tell them that.

Most students expect to figure out how much time an assignment takes, crash straight through it and hand it in. That method will not work for writing at this level. I usually end up comparing writing to French polishing a table; you don’t apply 10 coats of varnish at once. Each coat is applied, sanded, and polished before another goes on.

So it is with writing. A quarter of the time spent thinking about it, a quarter of the time researching and writing the first draft, and half the time on at least three revisions. That’s the only way I know to write well.

The most uninspired composition topic of all time has to be "How I Spent My Summer Vacation." Still, it's remarkable what a master writer can do with such a dull subject--though it may take a bit longer than usual to complete the assignment. This example is courtesy of Richard Nordquist.

First Draft: Pamphlet on Belgrade Lake (1914)

Back in 1914, shortly before his 15th birthday, Elwyn White responded to this familiar topic with uncommon enthusiasm. It was a subject the boy knew well and an experience that he fiercely enjoyed. Every August for the past decade, White's father had taken the family to the same camp on Belgrade Lake in Maine. In a self-designed pamphlet, complete with sketches and photos, young Elwyn began his report clearly and conventionally: Maine is one of the most beautiful states in the Union, and Belgrade is one of the most beautiful of the lakes of Maine.

This wonderful lake is five miles wide, and about ten miles long, with many coves, points and islands. It is one of a series of lakes, which are connected with each other by little streams. One of these streams is several miles long and deep enough so that it affords an opportunity for a fine all-day canoe trip. . .

The lake is large enough to make the conditions ideal for all kinds of small boats. The bathing also is a feature, for the days grow very warm at noon time and make a good swim feel fine.

(Scott Elledge, E.B. White: A Biography, Norton, 1984)

Stay tuned to see how this remarkable writer creates a startling and touching essay on mortality.

Writing for Style: The Golden Bulls

The British Golden Bull is given by the Plain English Campaign for pompous, opaque prose that fails to communicate clearly.

Here are last year's winners:

A Letter from the Crafts Council of Ireland

"The re-writing of the vocabulary of intemporal Irish heritage is a possible vector for submissions on the condition that this transposition is resolutely anchored in the 21st century through a contemporary lens that absolutely avoids drifting into the vernacular."

A Notice from the Eastleigh Borough Council

"Hereby in accordance with the provision of the Building Act 1984, Section 32 declares that the said plans shall be of no effect and accordingly the said Act and the said Building Regulations shall as respects the proposed work have effect as if no plan had been deposited."

A Job Advertisement for Wheale, Thomas, Hodgins plc

"Our client is a pan-European start-up leveraging current cutting edge I.P. (already specified) with an outstanding product/value solutions set. It is literally the right product, in the right place at the right time . . . by linking high-value disparate legacy systems to achieve connectivity between strategic partners/acquisition targets and/or disparate corporate divisions. The opportunity exists to be the same (i.e. right person etc. etc) in a growth-opportunity funded by private equity capital that hits the 'sweet-spot' in major cost driven European markets."

If you have a sample (someone else’s writing of course) you would like to submit, send it to info@plainenglish.co.uk

The deadline is September 30.

Writing for Style: Let Us Now Praise Editors 4

By Gary Kamiya at Salon.

It's good fun now and then to tear apart a piece and put it back together on a short deadline. Your brain is humming like a Ferrari, you've got sections marked A and B and Z and arrows going everywhere; you're rewriting the lede, racing through tricky transitions, doing some fast spot-reporting, getting rid of clunkers from every graf, and pulling together this whole 4,000-word piece in six hours. When you're done, you emerge from your office with smoke pouring from your ears. You've earned your salary and you pour yourself a well-deserved drink. You won't get any fame and glory but as an editor you don't expect any.

Some writers and editors work like this all the time. If a great reporter who can't write has a killer line editor, and they have a good rapport, it's much more efficient to work this way than to make the reporter agonize over how he's going to modulate his conclusion and the editor tiptoe around him. Not every reporter has to be a great writer. Conversely, some people who are good at moving other people's words couldn't pick up a phone, or write a piece themselves, if their life depended on it. This is why in the old days newspapers had "legmen" and "rewrite men." Sometimes I think it might not be a bad idea to bring them back.

The worst-case scenario for an editor is dealing with a writer who by talent should be a legman but who has somehow gone through his career remaining blissfully unaware of this fact. And, I suspect, some writers are aware, but like cunning parasites that attach themselves to larger animals, they ride through their careers clinging to their long-suffering editors. Years ago, I was handed a piece that was written in some unknown language, between Esperanto and pig Latin. Seizing my Rosetta stone, I descended into the foul-smelling cave and emerged hours later, having successfully translated the cryptic runes. Imagine my surprise when I later learned that the writer had used "his" piece to get a job at a good magazine. All I could do was laugh and say a little prayer for whoever would be editing him.

In the brave new world of self-publishing, editors are an endangered species. This isn't all bad. It's good that anyone who wants to publish and has access to a computer now faces no barriers. And some bloggers don't really need editors: Their prose is fluent and conversational, and readers have no expectation that the work is going to be elegant or beautifully shaped. Its main function is to communicate clearly. It isn't intended to last.

Still, editors and editing will be more important than ever as the Internet age rockets forward. The online world is not just about millions of newborn writers exulting in their powers. It's also about millions of readers who need to sort through this endless universe and figure out which writers are worth reading. Who is going to sort out the exceptional ones? Editors, of some type. Some smart group of people is going to have to separate the wheat from the chaff. And the more refined that separation process is, the more talent -- and perhaps more training -- will be required.

We already use other readers to sort things out for us: My bookmarks are mostly referrals from writers I've learned to trust. Some utopians may dream that an anarcho-Wikipedia model will prevail, that a vast self-correcting democracy of amateurs will end up pointing readers to the most worthwhile pieces. But that is only "editing" in its crudest, most general form -- it's really sorting. In the chaotic new online universe, the old-fashioned, elitist, non-democratic system of sorting information will become increasingly important, if only because it enforces a salutary reduction of the sheer mind-swamping number of options available. The real problem is glut, and it's only going to get worse.

In any case, real editing is something different. It takes place before a piece ever sees the light of day -- and it's this kind of painstaking, word-by-word editing that so much online writing needs. If learning how to be edited is a form of growing up, much of the blogosphere still seems to be in adolescence, loudly affirming its identity and raging against authority. But teenagers eventually realize that authority is not as tyrannical and unhip as they once thought. It's edited prose, with its points sharpened by another, that will ultimately stand the test of time. There is a place for mayfly commentary, which buzzes about and dies in a day. But we don't want to get to the point where the mayflies and mosquitoes are so thick that we can't breathe or think.

The art of editing is running against the cultural tide. We are in an age of volume; editing is about refinement. It's about getting deeper into a piece, its ideas, its structure, its language. It's a handmade art, a craft. You don't learn it overnight. Editing aims at making a piece more like a Stradivarius and less like a microchip. And as the media universe becomes larger and more filled with microchips, we need the violin makers.

So here's to you, editors, whose names never appear on an article, who are unknown except to their peers and to the writers who owe you so much. Keep fitting those delicate pieces of wood together. Use the skill it took you years to acquire. Don't give up and just slap the thing together. Make it light and tight and strong so that it sings. Someone is noticing. Someone is reading. Someone cares.

Writing for Style: Let Us Now Praise Editors 3

By Gary Kamiya from Salon

In an odd way, the exchange between writer and editor encapsulates the process of growing up. The act of writing is godlike, omnipotent, infantile. Your piece is a statement delivered from on high, a pronouncement ex cathedra, as egotistical and unchecked as the wail of a baby. Then it goes out into the world, to an editor, and the reality principle rears its ugly head. You are forced as a writer to come to terms with the gap between your idea and your execution -- and still more deflating, between your idea and what your idea should have been.

This isn't easy. You have to let go of your attachment to the specific words you've written and open yourself to what you were aiming for. You need enough confidence in yourself to accept constructive criticism, some of which can feel like your internal organs are being more or less gently moved around. More than just about any other non-artistic activity -- therapy and, yes, sex are possible exceptions -- being edited forces you to see yourself, or at least what you've written, the way others see you. It is a depersonalizing process in some ways, yet having to stand outside yourself deepens you as a person. You need to grow a thick skin in order to have a thinner, more sensitive one.

The good news is that you're not (yet) throwing yourself on the not-so-tender mercies of the readers, but putting yourself in the hands of a smart, sympathetic reader who only wants to clean up your dangling participles, remove your factually incorrect assertions, and turn your Rod McKuen-like treacle into something fit for public consumption. At a certain point, most writers realize this and come to truly value their editors. (Some authors, weary of what they see as a serious decline in the quality of editing in book publishing, go so far as to hire their own editors.) That doesn't mean that the relationship isn't capable of going wrong, or that a writer doesn't inwardly pop a bottle of champagne on those occasions when an editor sends a draft back with next to no changes.

Actually, some writers -- especially old-school reporters -- come to rely on editors too much. Every editor has had the experience of being the recipient of the dread "notebook dump," in which the disjointed, undigested contents of a month's reporting are dumped from a notebook onto the page. At this moment, the editor has to rip off his meek Clark Kent disguise and reveal himself as a writer or, more accurately, a rewriter. (Rewriting someone else's prose, no matter how convoluted or illogical, is never as hard as writing your own. It's still more like knitting or doing a jigsaw puzzle than inventing something.) It isn't just notebook dumps that require massive rewriting, either -- sometimes even good pieces by good writers go off the tracks in really weird ways, and an editor gets called in to clean up the mess, like Mr. Wolf in "Pulp Fiction."

Writing for Style: Let Us Now Praise Editors 2

By Gary Kamiya from Salon

Good editors work with and not against a writer. They calibrate how aggressively they edit according to how good the writer is, how good the piece is, the type of piece it is, the kind of relationship they have with the writer, how tight the deadline is, and what mood they're in.

But an editor's primary responsibility is not to the writer but to the reader. He or she must be ruthlessly dedicated to making the piece stronger. Since this is ultimately a subjective judgment, and quite a tricky one, a good editor needs to be as self-confident as a writer.

Most good editors are tactful in communicating with their writers. Bedside manner is important. It isn't so much that writers are sensitive plants -- some are, some aren't -- as that there is a fundamental difference in what each party brings to the table. An editor needs to remember that writing is much harder work than editing. Sending something you've written off into the world exposes you, leaves you vulnerable. It is a creative process, while editing is merely a reactive one.

Of course, some writers are more vulnerable than others. Daily news reporters tend to be like old suits of armor, so dented and dinged by years of combat that they are impervious. When I was an editor at a daily newspaper, I worked with some reporters who had been so ground down by impossible deadlines, column-inch restrictions, and that soul-destroying newspaper specialty of cutting pieces from the bottom that you could replace every adjective in their stories with a different one and they would just shrug.

I've also worked with writers who have reacted to my gentle suggestion that one of their precious, ungrammatical commas might perhaps be removed as if I'd insisted that Maria Callas perform "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy" as the final aria in Bellini's "Norma."

Like a savvy football coach, an editor learns which players need the stick and which the carrot. Most writers understand that their editor is not a half-literate, envious wannabe who takes perverse joy in mangling their prose, but a professional who is paid to make their work better.

Still, the moment when you -- and now I -- open the e-mail your editor has sent you in response to your story is always fraught with anxiety. You've exposed your soul, or at least part of your brain, to another person. What will they do with it? The truth is, you have to learn how to be edited just as much as you have to learn how to edit. And learning how to be edited teaches you a lot about writing, about distance and objectivity and humility, and ultimately about yourself.