Monday, December 31, 2007

Writing for Style: The Freight Train Part 1

Adapted from From Richard Nordquist’s Your Guide to Grammar & Composition.

The freight train style pours on the coal like Casey Jones. It's a style often favored by excited children:

And then Uncle Richard took us to the Dairy Queen and we had ice cream and I had strawberry and the bottom of my cone fell off and there was ice cream all over the floor and Mandy laughed and then she threw up and Uncle Richard took us home and he didn't say much the whole way.

And by the 19th-century American poet Walt Whitman:

The early lilacs became part of this child,
And grass, and white and red morning-glories, and white and red clover, and the song of the phoebe-bird,
And the Third-month lambs, and the sow’s pink-faint litter, and the mare’s foal, and the cow’s calf,
And the noisy brood of the barn-yard, or by the mire of the pond-side,
And the fish suspending themselves so curiously below there--and the beautiful curious liquid,
And the water-plants with their graceful flat heads--all became part of him.
("There Was a Child Went Forth")

It often shows up in the Bible:

And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.
(Matthew, 7:27)

And Ernest Hemingway built his career on it:

In the fall the war was always there, but we did not go to it any more. It was cold in the fall in Milan and the dark came very early. Then the electric lights came on, and it was pleasant along the streets looking in the windows. There was much game hanging outside the shops, and the snow powdered in the fur of the foxes and the wind blew their tails. The deer hung stiff and heavy and empty, and small birds blew in the wind and the wind turned their feathers. It was a cold fall and the wind came down from the mountains.
("In Another Country")

Watch for it in your readings (more likely fiction than non-fiction). Next time I’ll discuss when to ride the freight train and when not to.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

My Work: Homestead Part 2

“Other people claim, and there’s no real evidence for this, that there’s a different story. I was told this by family and, if you weren’t like family to me, I wouldn’t be passing it on. They say that Virginia grew tired of the hard life and listening to Angus blame her because they never had any children. She started to make any excuse she could to get away from him for a while, walking to the neighbor’s or just taking the buggy down the trail for a day or so.

“Angus thought she was stepping out on him, seeing other men, and he blamed her all the more for that. One day he couldn’t take it no more, and he locked Virginia up in the loft so she couldn’t wander. He kept her there, giving her just enough food and water to keep her alive, hoping to kill the wandering spirit in her. But he never could.

“She tried desperately to get out, she ran and smashed into the walls, trying to break them down. She pushed on the roof and tried to tear back the tin from the inside but, every time she got it loose a little, Angus would nail it back down. They say she smashed against that south wall so much, she made the top of the homestead lean right over.

“No one is really sure what happened. After Virginia disappeared, Angus wouldn’t let anyone on his place. He’d meet visitors out by the road, and there weren’t many, about one every couple of months. He’d go to other farms and help out, but never asked or allowed anyone to help him. He never said a word about Virginia, never spoke her name. People thought he was embarrassed because she left him.

“After they found Angus and cut him down, they went into the old homestead but didn’t find nothing. So nobody really knows what happened. I do know that the homestead hasn’t changed much since Angus died, and nobody’s ever lived in it since. You know, once a building starts to go, it usually goes all the way, especially after it has a lot of years on it. But that one has looked frozen like that, leanin’ just that much and no more, for as long as anyone around here knows.

“Some of the people who’ve lived on your place have complained about how hard it was to keep that tin roof nailed down, and some never had a bit of trouble. I guess you’ll be finding it hard.” He shrugged, stubbed his cigarette against the sole of his boot, and went back to work, and that was more than I’ve heard Ray say at one time before or since.

I’ve often sat and pondered our bathroom door with the wide boards and homemade nails until someone pounds on it asking me to hurry up and get out, and the tamarak tree by our driveway still reminds me of Angus.

We’ve used McIntyre’s homestead to house the tiller and other odds and ends. We thought about making it into a sheep shed, but the sheep didn’t seem to want to go in it, maybe because it looked unstable to them. We’ve kept it pretty much like it was since we came here, and more than one person has stopped and asked us if they could photograph it. I’ve twice been on the roof and nailed down the tin.

The true story will never be known, I guess. I do know that when I hear that tin roof banging on calm nights, especially around Halloween, I can imagine Virginia inside, still trying to get out.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

My Work: Homestead Part 1


Bang! Bang! When we first moved to our farm, the wind sometimes caught the tin roof of an old building, bouncing it up and down and making a terrible racket. The building was about 12 feet square, built of logs, and stood next to the old privy between our house and the barn.

Over the years, the top four courses of logs and the roof had shifted sideways toward the south until they curved out about two feet beyond the base. I was busy building our addition, and didn’t get around to nailing down that tin right away.

We were told the dirt-floored building used to belong to the grandmother of Chester McKeen, the man who homesteaded this place, and was moved here from another location. It looked like it was over 100 years old, could have been 200.

It was around our first Halloween here when I noticed that the tin only banged at night, and it sometimes banged on quiet nights when I couldn’t feel that much wind. Puzzled, I told our neighbour, Ray, about the frosty quiet nights and the tin roof one time when I was down at his place helping him cut wood. He squinted at me, then looked off toward my place, rolled a cigarette, and told me this story:

“The way I heard it, that log house was built around 1835,” Ray began, “Angus and Virginia McIntyre homesteaded that land way before Chester McKeen. For the first few years they lived in a tarpaper shack next to the tamarack tree that still stands right by your driveway, then they put up those logs.

“Your inside bathroom door used to be the back door of their shack. Look at the wide boards and handmade nails.

“In those first years they were childless, but they went ahead and put up the logs anyway, hoping they could use it for their family. They built a room downstairs and a sleeping loft upstairs. After a few more years, they were still there alone, and I’m told that’s when the trouble began.

“It would have been a struggle for a childless couple trying to farm that land. There’s more granite than soil and its best used only for pasture. They must have started to struggle with each other, too, because Virginia disappeared five or so years after they moved into that homestead.That’s where the rest of the story differs, depending on who’s tellin’ it.

“Some say Virginia left to go back to her people in Nova Scotia, while Angus stayed on the farm and tried to make a go of it alone. He didn’t last long, though, because the year after Virginia left, Angus was found hanging from your tamarack tree, dead by his own hand, with the loft of the homestead leaning over just about like you see it now. It was a sad ending to their hopes of making a life out here.

One gone and one dead.

Part 2 soon...

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Writing for Style: Eliminating Unnecessary Phrases

In this third post about being concise, here are some common phrases that can usually be deleted without any loss of meaning.

Disclaimer: I don’t know anything about Connecticut’s woodlands. The sentences are from The Guide to Grammar and Writing, sponsored by the Capital Community College Foundation in Hartford Connecticut. Presumably they know.

All things considered
All things considered, Connecticut's woodlands are in better shape now than ever before.

As a matter of fact
as a matter of fact, There are more woodlands in Connecticut now than there were in 1898.

As far as I'm concerned
As far as I'm concerned, Further protection of woodlands is not needed.

At the present time
This is because there are fewer farmers at the present time now.

Because of the fact that
Woodlands have grown in area because of the fact that farmers have abandoned their fields.

By means of
Major forest areas are coming back by means of through natural processes.

By virtue of the fact that
Our woodlands are coming back by virtue of the fact that because our economy has shifted its emphasis.

Due to the fact that
Due to the fact that Because their habitats are being restored, forest creatures are also re-establishing their population bases.

That exists
The fear that exists among many people that we are losing our woodlands is uncalled for.

For all intents and purposes
The era in which we must aggressively defend our woodlands has, for all intents and purposes, passed.

For the most part
For the most part, People's suspicions are based on a misunderstanding of the facts.

For the purpose of
Many woodlands have been purchased for the purpose of creating as public parks.

Have a tendency to
This policy has a tendency tends to isolate some communities.

In a manner of speaking
The policy has, in a manner of speaking, begun to Balkanize the more rural parts of our state.

In a very real sense
In a very real sense, This policy works to the detriment of those it is supposed to help.

In my opinion
In my opinion, This wasteful policy ought to be revoked.

In the case of
In the case of this particular policy, citizens of northeast Connecticut became very upset.
Citizens of northeast Connecticut became very upset about his policy.

In the final analysis
In the final analysis, The state would have been better off without such a policy.

In the event that
In the event that enough people protest, it will probably be revoked.
If enough people protest, it will probably be revoked.

In the nature of
Something in the nature of like a repeal may soon take place.

In the process of
Legislators are already in the process of reviewing the statutes.

It seems that
It seems that They can't wait to get rid of this one.

The point I am trying to make
The point I am trying to make is that Sometimes public policy doesn't accomplish what it sets out to achieve.

Type of
Legislators need to be more careful of the type of policies they propose.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Writing for Style: Being Concise

Reducing Clauses to Phrases and Phrases to Single Words

Some clauses and phrases can be pared to simpler, shorter constructions. One example is the “which clause”. It can often be shortened.
  • Queen’s University, which is in Kingston, is sometimes called “The Harvard of the North”.
  • Queen’s University in Kingston is sometimes called “The Harvard of the North”.
(Be careful, though, not to use a chain saw instead of a pruner. “Which” is sometimes necessary.)
  • The citizens who knew what was going on voted him out of office.
  • Knowledgeable citizens voted him out of office.
  • Suggesting that a student copy from another student's paper is not something he would say.
  • He wouldn't suggest that a student copy from another student's paper.
Phrases can be trimmed, sometimes to a single word.
  • Unencumbered by a sense of responsibility, Lucille left him with four hungry children and the crops in the field.
  • Lucille irresponsibly left him with four hungry children and the crops in the field.
Or leave out the word altogether and let the act speak for itself. That brings us to:

Intensifiers that Don't Intensify

Avoid using words such as really, very, quite, extremely, severely when they are not necessary. It is usually enough to say that the salary increase is inadequate. Saying that it is severely inadequate sounds like hysteria or a high school essay.

These words don’t need to be banished from your vocabulary but, like spices, are best when used sparingly.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Writing for Style: Acronym Redundancies

As you know, an acronym is a word formed from the initial letters or groups of letters of words in a set phrase or series of words, as OPEC for Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries, or loran for long-range navigation.

It is becoming more common, however, to use the whole acronym as a proper noun while repeating one of the letters as a common noun. This gives us redundancies such as the following:

ABS System. ABS stands for antilock braking system. Therefore, ABS system literally means antilock braking system system.

ATM machine. ATM stands for automatic teller machine. ATM machine literally means automatic teller machine machine.

DVD Disk. DVD means digital video disk. Therefore, DVD disk means digital video disk disk.

EMS Service. EMS stands for emergency medical service, so EMS service literally means emergency medical service service.

Estimated ETA.
ETA stands for estimated time of arrival. Therefore, estimated ETA literally means estimated estimated time of arrival.

GPS system. GPS stands for global positioning system. Therefore, GPS system literally means global positioning system system.

HIV virus. According to Dictionary.Com, HIV stands for Human Immunodeficiency Virus. Therefore, HIV virus is a redundancy.

ISBN number. ISBN stands for International Standard Book Number. Therefore, ISBN number is redundant.

PIN number. PIN stands for personal identification number. So PIN number literally means personal identification number number.

Please RSVP. RSVP is an acronym for a French phrase Repondez S'il Vous Plait, which means respond if you please. Therefore, please RSVP is redundant.

SAT tests. SAT stands for Scholastic Aptitude Tests and Scholastic Assessment Tests. So SAT tests literally means scholastic aptitude/assessment tests tests.

VHF Frequency. The F stands for frequency, so stating VHF frequency is like saying very high frequency frequency. The same applies to UHF Frequency.

VIN number. VIN stands for vehicle identification number. VIN number literally means vehicle identification number number.

Fun, but maybe not something to get too caught up about because these redundancies are pretty much out of control. Avoid them in your writing, but resist the temptation to correct others when they say them.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Writing for Style: Eliminating Redundancies

This entry is brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department.

Don't say the same thing twice and don't take one more word to say what you mean than is needed. This will give your writing power and momentum.

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell. — William Strunk Jr. in Elements of Style

The Elements of Style, Fourth Edition, William Strunk Jr., E.B. White, Roger Angell

A phrase that repeats itself—like "true fact," "twelve noon," "I saw it with my own eyes"—is sometimes called a pleonasm. Watch out for pleonasms, they are bad habits just waiting to take control of your writing.

Many uneducated citizens who have never attended school continue to vote for better schools.

biography of her life = biography
circle around = circle
consensus of opinion = consensus
cooperate together = cooperate
each and every = each
end result = result
exactly the same = the same
free gift = gift
in spite of the fact that = although
in the event that = if
one and the same = the same
personal opinion = opinion
refer back = refer
revert back = revert
surrounded on all sides = surrounded
we are in receipt of = we have received

Fewer words is almost always better.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Writing for Grammar: Quotation Marks

There are various ways to punctuate dialogue and quotations depending on their placement in the sentence, their purpose, and the purpose of the sentence. The key is to be consistent. Here are some guidelines.

1. Use double quotation marks to surround quotations and to add special emphasis or irony to words and phrases.

He was “convinced” by the appearance of the gun.
Hamlet’s famous speech begins “To be or not to be, that is the question”.


2. In dialogue, punctuation goes inside the quotation marks.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked.
“I’m going to the police,” she replied.


"Really, there is no excuse for aggressive behavior," the supervisor said. "It sets a bad example."


3. For other uses, place all punctuation outside the quotation marks unless it is part of the quotation and necessary for understanding. Proper Canadian usage follows the U.K. style, not the U.S. style.

Incorrect: The court held that "physical injury is not a required element of a sexual harassment claim," and the plaintiff went on to win her case.
Correct: The court held that "physical injury is not a required element of a sexual harassment claim", and the plaintiff went on to win her case.

Incorrect: As Socrates asked Phaedrus, "[A]re you and I expected to praise the sentiments of the author, or only the clearness, and roundness, and accuracy and tournure of the language"?
Correct: As Socrates asked Phaedrus, " [A]re you and I expected to praise the sentiments of the author, or only the clearness, and roundness, and accuracy and tournure of the language?"

Incorrect: How dare you call me a "bad apple!"
Correct: How dare you call me a "bad apple"!

Correct: He referred to this group of people as his "gang": Heidi, Heather Shelley, and Jessie.

Correct: Marx did not believe that "a single nation should have a single leader"; nevertheless, he became a leader singled out.

In the second set of "Socrates" examples, the question mark is part of the original quotation from Phaedrus and should therefore be placed inside the quotation marks. However, in the third set of "bad apple" examples, the exclamation point is supplied by the writer and is therefore properly placed outside the quotation marks.

4. Use single quotation marks if one quote appears inside a longer quote. The use of single quotation marks around an internal quotation enables the reader to easily distinguish the internal quote from the material surrounding it. As such, single marks also allow the reader to determine from which source the internally quoted material was drawn.

Incorrect: "Last night you told me, and I quote, I would love to go to your mother’s for dinner,” she reminded him.
Incorrect: "Last night you told me, and I quote, “I would love to go to your mother’s for dinner,”” she reminded him.
Correct: "Last night you told me, and I quote, ‘I would love to go to your mother’s for dinner,’” she reminded him.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Writing for Grammar: Double Negatives

A double negative is the nonstandard usage of two negatives in the same sentence. In Shakespeare's day, double negatives were considered emphatic, but today they are considered grammar mistakes because they actually change the meaning into a positive.

NEGATIVE + NEGATIVE = POSITIVE

Remembering that two negatives form a positive will help you to avoid the "double negative" grammar problem.

Negative Words

Here are the most common words that are considered negative. Use them once in a sentence to make a negative statement. Two of them will make an ungrammatical positive statement.
  • no
  • not
  • none
  • nothing
  • nowhere
  • neither
  • nobody
  • no one
  • hardly
  • scarcely
  • barely
Here are some double negative sentences rewritten to give the intended, negative meaning:

I think the new financial initiative will not last barely a month. (will last a month)
I think the new financial initiative will not last a month.

The first experiment was not hardly reliable. (was reliable)
The first experiment was not reliable.

The prospectors realized that their mine did not have no gold. (did have gold)
The prospectors realized that their mine did not have any gold.

The pilot could not find nowhere to land. (could find somewhere)
The pilot could not find anywhere to land.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Writing for Style: Editing

Editing may take you several passes to do a thorough job.

When I’m editing, I might go through looking just at active verbs, then go through a second time looking at sentence length and transitions, then a third time, etc.

It sounds boring, and it is, but editing is like finishing a fine piece of furniture. Several thin coats is always better than one thick coat. The last coat is proofreading.

There are four ways to keep your brain from skipping over your mistakes when proofreading:
  1. Read your work aloud. When you have to pronounce all the words, you will spot both omissions and commissions.
  2. Have a proofreading buddy who reads your work while you read theirs.
  3. Put the work aside for a few hours and proofread it fresh.
  4. Read one line at a time, but from the end to the beginning. This breaks the flow and prevents your brain from leaping to understanding by masking problems with the words.
Here are some questions to ask yourself when editing or proofing:
  • Do I tell my reader my purpose in the first paragraph?
  • Does the conclusion reinforce my main idea?
  • Have I captured the reader’s interest early?
  • Does this say what I want it to say?
  • Have I checked spelling, punctuation and word usage?
  • Does it read well aloud? Does it look good on the page?
  • Is it easy on the reader’s eyes?
  • Have I varied the length of sentences and paragraphs?
  • Did I use as few words as possible to send my message?
  • Are my ideas simply stated and presented clearly and logically?
  • Will the reader have the reaction I want?
  • Does this sound like me?

Monday, December 3, 2007

Writing for Grammar: Using Numbers

Most writers chose this profession because their word skills were greater than their mathematical abilities. Nevertheless, numbers in our business are important.

Here are a few guidelines:
  • Numbers nine and below are written in words: seven
  • Numbers 10 and above are written in figures: 17
  • The above two rules hold for cardinal (seven, 17), ordinal (seventh, 17th), and centuries (seventh century, 17th century).
  • Huge numbers of a million or more, such as your annual investment returns, are spelled: seven million, 17 million
  • Money is preceded by a dollar sign even though it is read in a different order: $17 million (17 million dollars).
  • All numbers that begin a sentence are spelled out: Seventeen blue jays baked in a cake.
  • Even when a number is written in figures, it is read as words and preceded by the proper article (“a” or “an”): a $17 ticket, an $18 ticket
Here's a mind-reading trick with numbers.
  • Choose a number between one and nine
  • Multiply it by nine
  • Add the first and last digits
  • Subtract five
  • Now, assuming A=1, B=2, etc., choose a country with the first letter starting with the corresponding letter of your number.
  • Finally, choose an animal to ride that starts with the next letter in the alphabet.
Next time I'll try to guess what you are riding and where.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Presentation Skills: Persuading a “Controller”

From Wilder’s Presentations

Robert B. Miller and Gary A. Williams. surveyed 1,700 executives and described five decision-making styles:
  1. Charismatics
  2. Thinkers
  3. Skeptics
  4. Followers
  5. Controllers
They found that one out of ten executives is a Controller. Controllers operate out of fear, often assuming that you do not have their best interests at heart. They read into what you are saying, can be persistent in going over a single point, and might become aggressive. Stay calm–don't let them provoke you.

Who gives the presentation? Controllers only want to hear from an expert or a trusted advisor. If you are not one of those, then beware. In fact, if you have to give the presentation, have a trusted advisor with you. Whenever possible, let someone the controllers trust discuss the topic.

Presentation process: Be sure that controllers have all the information they need…and probably more than you think they need. Do not push them to make a decision. They'll make it in their own time. And they'll only make their decision once they are not afraid of the consequences.

Interaction: Don't even think about trying to persuade controllers. They will persuade themselves at the right moment for them, which won't be the moment you have in mind.

How to succeed with controllers. To persuade controllers, you must:
  • Alleviate their fears.
  • Let them take credit for the end idea and decision.
  • Try to make them see your analysis, rather than discuss their analysis.
Slides designed for controllers: Follow a logical, systematic thought process in your slides.Be sure a controller cannot take offense at your slide text in any conceivable way.Quote the experts.

Situation at a Glance Give a quick overview-one that the controller will see as valid. Don't put any assumptions or your own interpretation on this slide, or you may not get past it.

Options Don't push for one option over the others. Show all the options and let the controller analyze them and come to a decision. Ask the advisors what to include as options. Make sure you avoid hot-button items that will lead you and a controller astray from your topic